The Christmas holidays are over and we’ve just been through the season that’s all about giving… and how that’s so much better than receiving. (Which many of us believe, deep in our hearts, until we see our credit card statements).

But when it’s all about giving, without receiving in return,  the “well” ultimately runs dry — the well of our emotions, energy, time or money.

Many of us continue to give, give, give, while resisting receiving, because it’s just too hard to accept help, gifts or even a compliment.  Why is that?

My good friend Lisa Zimmerman, at www.soullevelsolutions.com, says that giving is easier than receiving because when we give we are in control, when we receive we are not.

Lisa is so attuned to the power of receiving, she’s delivering a three-part telecourse called “The Beauty of Receiving.” And when she discovered my independent, totally self-sufficient, do-it-yourself nature, she suggested I sign up.

So I did.

And here’s what I’ve learned.

These are the big obstacles to receiving everything from support at work to help around the house, or just a little extra love from your friends and family.

1)   Safety and trust issues. Boundaries – emotional, physical or sexual – were crossed, as a child or as an adult, and you believe it’s much better to keep others at arms length because being vulnerable is not ‘safe.’ You resist receiving help, gifts, or even acts of kindness, because others ‘can’t be trusted,’ there must be a hidden agenda or strings attached.

2) Beliefs about worthiness. You don’t believe in your self or your talents because you were judged, criticized or neglected; nothing was mirrored back to you about your own inherent value. You’re not sure you ‘deserve’ to receive gifts, help or an abundant life. After all, what have you ‘done’ or achieved to get it?

3) Having to be an adult as a child. You never experienced the luxury, and necessary stage of development, of being a self-centred toddler or child. You had to take on the responsibility of caring for siblings, parents or others, without ever being taken care of yourself.  You’ve grow up to be a superb do-it-yourselfer, who’s good at being in charge, but lousy at being vulnerable or appearing to need help… with anything.

4) Total neglect. Without any real attention, care or nurturing as a child, you basically raised yourself. Today you’re totally independent, without any “need” to receive because that was the blueprint laid out for you early in life.

5) Belief that giving requires ‘sacrifice.’ You have been raised to believe others’ needs are more important than yours, and that for you to receive someone else has to go without, or not have their needs met.

If any of these barriers ring true for you, fear not.

Here are a few ways to change your receiving signals and get what you want (and what you need).

1)   Re-parent yourself by changing your negative beliefs about who you really are and your role in the world, or find someone you trust to give you new positive messages about your true value, worthiness and right to receive.

2)   Shift your mindset and take “response-ability” for how you respond to others. Are you willing to ask for help and be open to receive? Ever?

3)   Check your expectations. Learn to expect help (in a kind, not demanding way). When you expect people to help you, you can usually find people to help you.

4)   Surrender control. If you’re used to running the show and managing even the smallest details, ask yourself: “What will happen if I don’t run everything?” And also ask: “Is this really my job?”

5)   Create space to allow help, and others, in. If you’re speeding around doing it all and are ‘too busy’ to stop, there’s no time or space for help to enter in. Stop. Slow down. And open up.

6)   Choose your thoughts. Negative thinking  — especially judgement of yourself or others – prevents you from receiving.  What if you look for the best in others or a certain scenario rather than the worst?

7)   Perceive everything as care. Reframe receiving as a good thing, not the universe implying that you’re inadequate or ‘helpless.’ Look for what’s good and you’ll create more of it.

8)   Let go of everyone and everything that doesn’t serve your highest good. This is a tough one for the “I’m not worthy” types, but you deserve to be treated as well as you treat others. And you get to decide who’s in your ‘orbit,’ your inner circle and your life.

It’s not better to give than receive; it’s better to give AND receive. The ‘love’ has to flow both ways.

When we receive, it does not take away from another. There’s enough sunlight for everyone.

So for all the control freaks, martyrs and “people who give too much” among us, ask not what we can do for others… but what can they do for us?

Or follow Lisa Zimmerman’s new mantra and ask: “I wonder who wants to help me today?”

If you need help being a better receiver, find out more at www.soullevelsolutions.com

None of us is as strong as all of us.

If two heads are better than one, imagine the collective power of 15 entrepreneurial women committed to their vision, businesses… and changing the world.

This year to accelerate my growth, both personally and professionally, I joined a mastermind group with business coach and mentor Christine Kane. (That’s all of us in the photo.)

Power is essential for success.  Even brilliant ideas and plans go nowhere without the power to move them into action. With the collective energy (and genius) of others, one person can achieve what others might call “the impossible.”

When two or more people come together for a definite goal or vision it creates a third energy or mind – a mastermind.

This “mastermind,” formed in the spirit of harmony by all those involved, is considered to be a higher consciousness, with an even greater, intangible power and potential for change.

In short, a mastermind allows one to leverage the power of many.

The combined knowledge, experience, resources and efforts of the group create momentum – and velocity – in getting things done, in a big way.

The stronger the group, the stronger the impact as this higher energy with a higher purpose is sent out into the world. Answers, ideas and action plans come effortlessly to each member of the group.

Many people say a group is only as strong as its weakest link, but really it’s as strong as its strongest link. Great leaders, teams and businesses surround themselves with people of different talents and skills, each of whom has his or her strengths to contribute to the greater goal.

Mastermind groups also work well because members invest time, energy, and often money, to move toward their goal or vision.  Commitment and accountability keep each person and the group on purpose… and on track. This spirit of harmony and clear intention adds its own force field of excitement and unlimited possibility.

If you’ve got big dreams or big projects to launch in 2011, a mastermind group can help you move forward with speed and ease. So join up. Power up. And buckle up.

It’s like a fast track for your soul.

It’s the first week into the new year and many people are already overwhelmed with new projects, goals, business schedules and life in the fast track. How do we get all (or any) of it done in a world of constant demands and distractions? In a word – Focus. That’s also the title of a great new e-book/manifesto by zen blogger Leo Babauta.

While Leo writes about all kinds of helpful Zen Habits to get focused, I love his simple approach to “getting amazing things done.” Lately, it’s how I start, and prioritize, my work everyday… and my productivity is way up.

Here’s my edited version of his 3 easy steps to focus… and finish.

Step 1: Find something amazing to work on

First things first, find something amazing that you want to work on today… choose something exciting or fun. It can be a work project, business idea, learning a new skill, taking photos, writing a song… or writing a blog!

But it should be something that excites you, and compels you to work on it because you’re inspired, excited, motivated.  It doesn’t have to be huge, just “amazing” by your definition – it could be a novel, a screenplay, a garden, a new craft or a new recipe.

Step 2: Clear away everything else

This may be the hardest step: clearing away distractions.

But in order to focus, you’ll need to clear your desk, clear your computer (close all programs, including your browser, that you don’t absolutely need for this task), and clear (turn off) your techno-interruptions, such your phone, Blackberry, iPhone, and anything else that might distract you from your Something Amazing.

Step 3: Focus on that something amazing

OK, all clear. Now just focus on that Something Amazing — that one task you chose that you’re excited about, that’s going to change your life in some small way. Do this as soon as you can in the day — not after lunch or late in the day. Again, this step, like clearing all the distractions, can be a challenge. The great urge to respond to email, Twitter, Facebook, that phone call or anything else, can be unrelenting. If that happens: Stop, take a deep breath, and remember why you chose this task. Feel that excitement, and focus.

Of course, big Amazing projects may take days, months or years, but just by focusing on ONE task for an hour or two each day, you’ll be able to complete great, exciting, and possibly life-changing things.

And then, all that’s left to focus on is celebrating your accomplishment.

Note: Leo Babauta has waived the copyright on the content from his book Focus and encourages sharing it. See his simplicity manifesto.